"What have you been doing over the past year?" I had had a lot of job interviews since being laid off from my job in hospitality sales in March of 2020 but this was the first time I was asked to account for my time during the unemployed pandemic. This open ended question could've led us down the details of dark path but, I stayed on course and kept the conversation to my career. "I've been a professional applicant" I heard myself say. Like a lot of ideas, I wasn't sure if this was an original expression or something I overheard and simply repeated. Either way, it was true. At the time, this particular interview offered some hope but this mirage would eventually blur into the cloudy collection that had been accumulating for 14 months. Like the relentless ads on cable news, it's an escapable multi-media mess.
And like cable news, noise arrived from all angles.
Job boards. Linkedin posts. Career Coach Webinars. Friends, family and neighbors.
This assault of common sense includes:
Entry level job descriptions that want 8 years of specific experience
Company profiles that claim "attitude is more important than experience". Then reject you based on work history and ignore requests for an informational interview
There are the resume writers advising how to get past the automatic tracking systems. Have multiple versions and rewrite your resume using the language of the job description. The resume is for the job. Linkedin is your brand. They'll help you and everyone else standout and then offer a $150.00 discount
Webinars on the constant changes in the career climate offering the most insulting advice, show your experience but don't list your year of graduation, your age will work against you
Some of the applications attempt to show creativity:
Post a fun and Introductory video upload
Write a cover letter "we encouraged puns!"
"If you were a beer what kind would you be.... and why?"
I completed all of these without a response. I'd rather get booed off the stage than receive the silent treatment. Ask a clown to juggle and then walk away.
There are the personalty assessments to see if your brain is a good match for them. One arrived in my inbox described as "scientifically-validated behavioral assessment that can be used to identify opportunities for selection and development." There's no right answer. just don't get it wrong I must have failed. Good.
The Zoom interviews showcasing employers ongoing lack of originality always with the same joke about my suit "are you wearing pants?" the predictable interviewer would ask and laugh.
The in person interviews, mask on, mask off. One time a dog on my lap. Always pants.
The oxymoron that is Human Resources. Neither human nor a resource. Most communication comes by way of a donotreply email address. And most emails are ignored.
I followed the unwritten rules. Learn about the company, association and/or non-profit organization. The history and mission. Have questions ready. Have ideas to advance their cause. Send a well written thank you note. Be passionate. Be real. Be a person.
From connection to rejection in 2-4 weeks, the lifespan of an application:
One 4 part interview that spanned 4 weeks for a job I was banking on asked for references and writing samples. References were never called. The link to my writing never clicked. When I had to make a decision based on other opportunities, my time-line request went unanswered.
Another that seemed like a healthy option sent an email "I believe you to be a good candidate with a lot of experience so you will be getting considerable consideration." That was the last I heard from the foodie.
One that really lifted my spirits dryly told me that I "hadn't been ruled out". That one has been aging badly since February.
I was tempted to fix the multiple typos and failed copy & paste on one sloppy attempt at a rejection. The mail merge instructions were in the body of the letter. If you're going to send a letter with the subject "Thanks for your time" take the time to proof read?
Applicants are advised to update and adjust their resume. Stand out. Be creative. Be current. However, most employers maintain the old fashioned outdated industry standard: don't call us we'll call you. No communication is the new communication. It's their world, we're just working in it. Job posts rarely mention salary or benefit packages. And now employers are frustrated when people would rather stay on unemployment. "No one wants to work!” they say, pretending to be surprised.
And, there's always the unqualified confidence of the employed. Those that haven't been ignored or routinely rejected by auto-reply responses over the past 14 months. An absurd optimism from those with income and benefits.
Take this time to find something that you really want to do!
Just enjoy the time off
You'll be fine!
“Their loss!” when you share another "unfortunate" rejection
As things begin to re-open, there's still plenty of tension. Recently, while out jogging a dad running with his child almost pushed the stroller off of the side walk "it's your fault for not wearing a mask” was his muzzled bark. "I'm sorry" I said, "Don't be sorry just wear a mask" he ran off... The next day a homeless man yelled "you don't need to wear a mask while you're running you weirdo!”. It's an impossible exercise.
The news finally shifted from death counts to UFO sightings. Not sure who or what to believe I found myself eagerly awaiting an alien arrival. Hoping that the little green Great Gazoo would land his saucer and give me advice like he did for Fred and Barney. It always seemed to work out for those dum dums on the Flintstones. But, instead of aliens it was the baby swans in the Charles River along the esplanade. They weren't sensational stories or politicized science. They were eggs on a nest, We saw the swans build the nest. Elongated curved necks reaching for sticks, branches and other muck. Turtles came by, mallards and geese too. A redwing black bird would dart back and forth. People showed me their pictures. There were 9 eggs. Was the turtle there to eat them we wondered? When the eggs finally hatched I got the inside scoop from a part time semi-retired MIT employee also visiting on her bike. She had a British accent and reminded me of Judi Dench. With her bike helmet on leaning up against the cement wall along the lagoon she told me there were the 9 eggs. 7 cygnets hatched. One drowned and one was missing. When I told her watching the swans was a perk of unemployment, she told me she only worked 3 hours a day.
"I'd take the 9 to noon shift" I told her.
She said "oh, I'm on the the 10 to 1".
"With an hour for lunch?" I asked.
"How did you know?" she smiled.
Judi then narrated the scenes of the nest. Like a personalized Wild Kingdom episode, we watched the swan extend its neck and use its beak to shove the turtle into the water.
"Look at those little devils" she exclaimed as an army of perfectly spaced Canada geese approached the nest. "That's right", she approved as they paddled away.
Later we'd learn the mother swan died. Weak and exhausted. I'd see the father swimming and eating and sitting on the nest with 4 of the cygnets. Another must've drowned or been eaten we all guessed.
The eggs were originally a sign of hope. Life at the end of the pandemic. And then the mother died. 7 babies were now 4. Two unhatched eggs lay exposed on top of the nest now taken over by turtles. Hope merging with unfortunate reality.
"What have you been doing the last year?". Waiting for the aliens and watching a young family of swans struggle to survive. Writing thank you notes and trying to be relevant.
Comments